Exciting!

My little man took SIX steps the other day. I was SOSOSOSOSOSOSO excited. We were cleaning the toy room and he LOVES LOVES to kick balls. His usually exercise is getting up on his knees and kicking with one foot --- all around the house. Well as I was cleaning the toy room he found a ball. He stood up in the middle of the floor (no help) took 3 steps to the ball, kicked it and took 3 more steps. Then he bent over to pick it up and was done. I was hootin and hollerin! Its always so much fun to witness these milestones in their lives. Since he has been taking 3-4 steps here and there but then gets lazy and speed crawls everywhere. Man, I sure do love this little kid. He has been the funniest thing ever. He has officially become ONE MAJOR TEASE. Look out girls, he's gonna be hard to catch! He seriously LOVES balls. Obsessed in more like it. He will kick and throw a tantrum if he sees one and can't get to it. His current stance is anyway-- with his pointer finger pointing at all times. He's pretty good now at showing me exactly what he wants with that lil finger. He still only has two teeth but they are so cute. His big ol' smile with his one dimple just top it off. You just want to squish his cheeks and eat them! Canden ADORES his sister. He is eleven months old now and I am almost heartbroken. I see all my friends having their new babies and it just makes me sad a bit because he is growing up so fast. Soon he will be married off and not with me anymore --- thats how fast life is zipping past me. Araleigh has been a really good helper for me while Cory has been gone. Her and I have our differences (ya know 3.5 year old emotional girl and a 25 year old emotional, stressed out, going crazy mom!) I love her to pieces. Cory got to come home this weekend and suprised us by coming home on Thursday. I was so relieved to have him home. I cannot believe the weight off my shoulders when I have help. It's almost refreshing. My back starting going out again-- but it hasn't fully gone into old grandma walker mode yet. I am REALLY hoping that with Cory home I can take it easy enough that it will heal back up without having to go in and get round two of the epidural meds. Im praying it will ok! Anyways, just wanted to make a note of the excitement of Candens accomplishments. We are excited. He should be running around playing soccer in no time! (Hopefully his surgery he is having next week won't stunt his progress).

Lonely Friday.

Well, it's Friday and there is a party going on downstairs . . . and I am lonely. BUT at least I have THESE two cute and fabulous children sleeping in the other rooms to give me hugs and kisses on these lonely nights! Well, I am about to start day 10 of my no nothing diet. I cannot believe how hard it has been for me. Its so easy staying home and figuring it out --- but once I am out and about it is so hard not to go just get a burger and move on. DANGET. (I can do this, I can do this!) Araleigh's has two more weeks of school and I am SO SAD. She has absolutely LOVED her teachers, her friends she has made and the whole atmosphere. She has learned so much that I am so sad to have to leave this preschool. Today they took their last big field trip to the zoo. Araleigh was SO SO excited. I made her lunch and she put it in her backpack and wore her coat and backpack around the house an hour before we left because she was THAT ready to go to school. She is so cute sometimes . . . and becoming quite a talker. She can now spell many words and knows all her letters. She still struggles with a few letters but I am fine with that since she won't be going to Kindergarten for 2 more years. She will be a genious by the time she goes.

As for Canden Boy --- he is as stubborn as ever. But is hilarious. He makes me laugh and smile all day long. My FAVORITE part of the day is in the morning when I go in to him chatting up the wall --- usually he BANGS on the wall (he knows my room is behind that wall) when he wants me to come get him. As soon as me or Araleigh walk in it is instant jumping up and down and screetching. He gets so excited. I CANNOT believe my little man is ELEVEN MONTHS. Time is SO overrated-- it really does go by way faster than it needs to when we dont want it too. Canden won't cuddle me anymore because he is WAY too busy with the world. I stopped nursing a month or two ago (time flies can't remember when) and ever since then I have had a detached feeling from him --- he doesn't need me as much anymore so that has been rough. I used to love those moments of nursing when its me cuddling him for those few minutes. It got so much easier to change him to the bottle after a while cuz we were traveling and on the run so much it was too hard to try and nurse a boy as rambunctious as this one. I finally had to cut some of his hair. Not too much . . just enough to get it out of his eyes. He will look so different when I cut it for real. He is growing like a weed (although I swear he is still the same height) haha. Poor kid I think he got the short gene. He lures everyone in with his bright personality and munchy cheeks. . . I seriously love taking him with me because of how people react to him. . as for him .. He eats up all the attention he can get. LOVES IT. In this aspect . . he is his Father.

As for me . . I am keepin on. I am trying to get through this diet and hope that I can maintain my weight. Its such a bugger . . . I HATE food. Its evil. But oh so yummy. haha I am trying to figure out what to do this summer with my kids to keep busy while Cory is away. Araleigh has swim lessons in July but thats it. It is still up in the air what to do about moving and our house and ect. Its so scary to me to think that in a few short months my life might be changing forever . . will I like it there? Will I hate it? Will I get friends and like the ward? . . . These are all questions we have to face . . but after being SO settled here for the past 3 years I am hoping I can be positive about the situation. One thing I do know: My family needs to be together again. Its been too long apart and my kids need to know and have their dad again. We are being blessed in our lives right now with this job -- when so many don't have them. We have so many friends who just graduated and cannot get jobs. Cory just got a great job and will probably be making more than more of those graduates so we are very fortunate right now for this blessing. Now if we can USE this resource to get him BACK IN SCHOOL to get a degree in something to keep moving forward.

CANDEN'S NEW THRONE!

Canden just found Araleigh's chair-- and how to get in and out of these chairs. Now he is climbing up on EVERYTHING. He has kind of taken heir to this throne. . . and claimed it as his own. HE LOVES THIS CHAIR. This was while Araleigh was napping --- it wasn't this cute once she was awake cuz I had a screeching baby boy attacking a screaming little girl (who didn't want him in her chair.) Oh the journey begins . . .

Seriously- I am alive .. promise!

What is UP with me? I have always been so good about journaling (aka blog venting!) But WOW. I have REALLY lost my game. So much has happened in the past while that I cannot even tell everything. But since this will be in my journal book . . I am writing it down.

Ever since my back went out it has been very difficult. I got the epidural which made for a pretty quick bounce back. It has taken me all this time to walk and lift and slowly my hips are coming back to normal (I was literally lopsided and retarded because my body was compensating for pain. . . it was SO WEIRD!) So we went to Utah last weekend for Brock and Carries wedding. My back was still really hurting the entire time. I couldn't lift anything . . . so at all times I had to have someone with me to help me. That was pathetic. Then on Friday we decided to go to the Zoo . . . I was a granny and had to get a wheelchair. Too much walking seriously laid me out. It was SO embarrassing. Anyways, so on Saturday was all the wedding stuff and it was absolute agony for some reason. I think I completely over did it the few days before because I could BARELY sit in the temple. I tortured myself with heels on top just because of how big of an idiot my granny shoes made me look. I realized though that if I laid down completely flat then it was so relieving . . . so I laid down a lot. In between the wedding and the luncheon we had like TWO hours so we decided to go treat ourselves to the Sweet Tooth Fairy Cupcakes. If you read NieNie Diaries . . you will know what I am talking about. And let me fill you in . . . we bought a dozen (+ our free moms day cupcakes) and she wasn't a kidding. . . the VaNIElla cupcake was . . . . . HEAVENLY. I have now put my (sooo missed) cravings to sleep and have started the diet of Hell. I have started a low calorie, hardly any carbs, NO SUGAR (includes Soda . . .ahhhh) diet. Its terrible. But I am planning on doing it for the next month to see how it goes. I never realized how much sugar and soda I ate until about 5 pm every night-- when I get my pounding headache. I am just REALLY hoping to endure. Cory is doing it with me so its been a bit easier. He is REALLY good at extreme diets. All I know is that when I showed up at Brock's Sugar reception last night - - - - where all they served were Coco Bean Cupcakes and Chocolate Covered strawberries--- I wanted to DIE. My TWO Nemesis's in my hands grip. Its SO LAME. . . not to mention the torture of sitting through Wingers afterward-- cheesy goodness and Asphalt Pie (which I normally dont like much ice cream) but right now --- what I would give. Anyways, I HAVE TO do this. . . for myself. I am SO sick of this baby weight so we will see if it works for me. I have come to the conclusions -- I HAVE TO GET SKINNY-- (and in shape) to keep up with THIS LITTLE STINKER!!

On a more less depressing note: Cory got a job! He has been consulting and working with this manufacturing company for a while now and after some hardships and extremely hard work on his part ---- they offered him a job for good. So now he will be "officially" traveling. The job is for a Windmill manufacturing Company that is really needing Cory to launch their turbine. Cory is really excited and is stoked at how much he can do to help them. They offered him a offer that we cannot refuse. He will get a great salary and on top of that commisions. It's a blessing right now . . . the only problem: it is in Spokane, Wa. So we are most likely moving. We are going to do a trial/error period for 2-3 months and I will stay here while he is gone. We just dont want to give up our place and uproot for something so new until it is for sure a solid thing. We are glad and truly greatful for this blessing. Although it means, many more times of me being a single parent . . . all I can think about is that I have done this for 3 years of him being gone all the time . . . and so whats new . . . except now he is going to be consistently paid well. I have driven through Spokane ONCE and am really weary of this move--- but we will see what happens through the summer. So look out for many more rants and rages of me being alone and trying to keep my sanity! It will be good though. Well, right now I am working on scrap pages so til I can upload them . . . all there is is words!

This is that whole Arnold Family at Brocks Wedding (Minus Lacey's other kids n hubby, the Romrell boys, Bryce's future bride, and Alex )

The trials have yet to cease . . .

Today was a bad day, a good day, and an in between day. Yesterday and today have been my worse days of pain with my back . . . and I finally caved found a back specialist and got an appointment for today. Well, lets just say after enduring this excrutiation pain for a week and a half and 3 other times. . . . I am SO GLAD I went in. When this had happened before in the past I went to just a family doctor -- who told me I must have pulled a tendon, gave me a shot in my back muscle and sent me on my way. The next time I was pregnant with Canden-- so all they could do was give me meds. Well, this go around my sister called around and found a actual back and spine injury doctor and I called and got in. I was so impressed with him and he was so ultra sensitive to my situation. He asked about my insurance (which is a buggar to bill) and truly worked it out so it would be covered. I am very grateful for this . . . after x-rays, exams, and MRI and lots of screaming from getting up and down on beds --- he found that I have an extreme herniated disc in my lowest disc. He showed it to me and I couldn't believe that the other doctors wouldn't have even considered this. It seriously looks like a huge balloon compared to the other "normal" ones. Anyways, this has caused the disc to push out onto my nerves which is the result in the excruciating pain that I have whenever i move AT ALL. I cannot walk with out my grandma's walker and I cried or screamed every time I moved, tried to go to the bathroom . . . or even roll over to get comfy. It has been the worst thing ever. Anyways, so as treatment he told me I had two options: back surgery (which he wants to wait it out because I am so young . . he claims I am the youngest he has seen personally with this) OR an epidural shot along with physical therapy. So I went straight to the MRI place then pretty much back to Mountain View for the epidural. I am SO SCARED of needles-- and as my family knows I just would get sick from thinking about it with bearing my kids-- but it was worth it with them. I got to the hospital and they checked me in-- then I had to wait quite a while-- which I think made me more scared. But I went in with a brave "I am a mom and have had 2 of these" face . . . and sucked it up. It royally sucked. He put it in and I felt this severe pain-- I asked him if it was done and he said "oh no sweety, that was just the dye . . I haven't done the medicine yet." WHAAAAAAAAAAT? Anyways, right after the meds when in and I gritted my teeth, shed a small tear, maybe screamed a bit in the pillow-- and then it was over. Now I have a big swollen hump on my back and I dont feel any better. But I am praying it will help over the next few days-- cuz we are leaving for Utah on Thursday (after Araleigh's procedure, poor thing.) He gave me a handful of pain meds (Yes, I finally get to try Oxycodone.) Which has taken the edge off of the pain-- but it is still there. I am just REALLY hoping I can be a mom again real soon. It was HEARTBREAKING today to come to my moms and have Canden cry and reach for me and not get to hold him. I finally caved and had my mom lay him on my lap while he ate his bottle. His sweet blue eyes just stared at me like he wasn't gonna look away to make sure I stayed. I cannot believe how much I miss my kids . . . although they have been with me every second for the past 2 weeks-- I didn't realize how much I'd miss the small things like picking Canden up and hugging/kissing his face off.

But after all the hell I have been through I am SO SO grateful to FINALLY have an answer to why this happens. Now I just hope I can keep it under control. Cory is FINALLY coming home tomorrow so I can go home and get a little bit back to normal reality-- except for Thursday when my nightmare for Araleigh has to happen. If we can endure this week---- we can do anything. Thanks to everyone who has been so sweet in offering to help . . it has meant SO much to me to know that I am not alone. For a while last week I felt so alone and felt like I had no one to ask for help-- and no one offering. But this week has been different-- I have had so many people ask to help and it truly has made me know that there are people out there that care. So thank you to those people.