Forget me not

I have realized that there are so many things that I haven't written down lately . . .especially about my kids. With everything that has gone on in our family it has been easy to forget the small stuff and for me I really want to remember the small stuff later. I listened to the Relief Society Meeting and have listened to Elder Uchdortf's talk quite a few times. Such a powerful talk . . . one that I believe will start a new era like the "Be's" did with President Hinckley. Forget me not. The 5 Forget Nots were: 1) Forget Not to be patient with yourself. -Don't compare yourself with others. 2) Forget Not the difference between a good sacrifice and a foolish sacrifice.
3) Forget Not to be HAPPY now! Your golden ticket is NOW! 4) Forget Not the "why" of the gospel. -Gospel is a light! The gospel is joy when we understand the why! 5) Forget Not that the Lord loves you! -You are not forgotten! For me the most important Forget Not that he talked about was that God loves us and knows us. Although I know this it is so much reassuring to hear the words from a modern apostle who truly loves and cares for our welfare. My favorite quote from his entire talk was "Sisters, wherever you are, whatever the circumstances may be, you are not forgotten. No matter how dark your days may seem, no matter how insignificant you may feel, no matter how overshadowed you think you may be, your Heavenly Father has not forgotten you. In fact, He loves you, with an infinite love." What a powerful man he is. We are truly blessed to have such amazing apostles be so in tune and know what we need to hear.

As for the kids: Time is going by really quickly. It's already almost October --- which means one month closer for this baby to come and one year older for my princess. Araleigh is turning 5 in week and I am boggled that I have a 5 year old. She is getting so big and learning all the time. We are currently working on her math skills. She has a computer game that she loves and so I had to teach her how to subtract in order for her to play it. We need to be working on reading--- but that is slowly coming. She LOVES school-- as always and is so super excited for her baby sister to come. Everyday she asks me how much longer til she is here. I think she is more ready than mom. Our family has been working with a councilor lately because of our recent trials. She has worked with Araleigh and last week they played with some toys. When Cory and I went in to have a session she informed us of what Araleigh did and I thought I'd share it here. With this past week bringing back much hurt and new information it has been a very difficult one. There was heightened emotions on my end and much hostility and tension between Cory and I. When Araleigh went in she asked her Councilor if she would play the doctor for her. She was playing in a dollhouse with a King, a Queen, and a baby girl. Her councilor asked her why she need her to be the doctor--- and Araleigh informed her that the mommy and daddy had broken hearts and she needed to help her fix them. This for me was a precious, yet heartbreaking thing to hear. We are all trying to work through what we can and to hear that she was so concerned with us was hard to hear. Cory and I try really hard to keep the levels of emotion under control around the kids-- but sometimes I have a bad day or he does or we find something new out and it rocks the boat again. I know that the kids feel it and don't understand. Araleigh did a few other things that I would like to express but am choosing not to at this time. She is amazing to me and cares so much for others . . . Canden is her little buddy and just adores her. She is my little mother hen. She is ALWAYS alerting me when he is being naughty . . . I just truly cannot express how much I love her and am so thankful she is in my life.

Canden is growing like a weed. I swear he gets an inch taller every month. He is sooooo busy . . . which nothing has changed in that department he has been that way forever. He cannot keep himself from sneaking outside and gets into trouble a lot. Just this week we have had a masterpiece of pen and couch . . . . not 1 couch but all 3 and the ottoman. He then proceeded to climb on the table and dump and entire bottle of ketchup on the table, chairs and floor and wipe it around with his hands. He knows a lot of his colors now which seriously impresses me. He knows blue, purple, green, and orange perfectly . . . and struggles with yellow and red. He counts to like 14 usually skipping a few, he sings his ABC's--- but not perfectly. He sings I am a Child of God and Twinkle, Twinkle little star absolutely PERFECTLY. In fact we were at walmart the other night . . . with Canden in just a diaper and shirt because he pooped allover his shorts--- and there he was in the cart singing at the TOP OF HIS LUNGS these two songs. I had to keep covering his mouth because he kept getting louder and louder. We got some pretty weird looks when we past people because this little 2 year old was screaming at the top of his little lungs that he was a Child of God. It was so funny . . . he is so Cory. Canden is seriously a Daddy's boy . . . the kid has anxiety whenever Cory leaves or Araleigh for that matter. He doesn't care if I leave though . . . little turd. He is always tormenting and wrestling Araleigh which I think drives her crazy but she puts up with it. He HATES wearing clothes. The only thing he likes are his "soccer" shorts (gym shorts) and the little skunk is a nightmare to put to bed. Every night we put him down at 8 and usually about 8:45-9 he comes sneaking out trying to come watch tv with us. He also has grown accustom to coming into our room at about 3-5 am to sleep with us. Actually they both have lately which is a pain because we end up doing musical chairs every night rotating the kids from their beds to ours to theirs again. Things are going to get real squishy when baby #3 comes along. We are going to have to get stubborn and say no to coming in our room --- or buy a California King to accommodate the family in the early morning hours. Its funny to me because we always get them to bed IN their own beds/rooms but someone they migrate to our room. Canden sure is a funny kids though. We are constantly laughing at him. He talks to good now and is always wanting to help mom. The other day he was so funny because since my back went out the kids are alert to when mommy hurts. So I bent over to pick something up and it hurt and I said Ouch and it took me a minute to get up. Well in runs Canden--"OH MOMMY BACK --- YOU NEED WALKER??" and off he ran to the garage . . . 2 minutes later in he came with the walker that we put away and he unfolded it for me and everything. It was really sweet.
Another funny that I can't help myself with sharing was the other day I was trying on dresses for church and Araleigh came in. Well she was talking to me stating how cute I looked (I completely disagreed) and was talking about my big belly . . . then she said "But mom, where did your butt go? Why don't you have one?" . .. . I was DYING of laughter. I seriously have NO BUTT and when I get pregnant it REALLY shines how lack I am in that department --thanks to my wonderful dad for giving me this trait. I seriously feel like the Grinch --- you know completely flat back and a huge belly. It drives me nuts. I actually was thinking for the first time ever after she said that about looking into butt implants. You seriously start questioning how funny you look when your almost 5 year old is wondering where your butt went.

I am excited for what the next few weeks have to hold. Araleigh's birthday, and my family coming up here to see us. They are surprising her for her birthday but I think it's a much more needed venture for me than her. Hopefully I won't be bland and retarded in the picture dept when they come so I have stuff to blog about!

Time

Here I am sleep deprived at 5 in the morning and all I can think of is getting out my feelings to see if it helps me at all. I wrote in June HERE of a trial my family is currently facing . . . though I will not disclose on here what that is for the purpose of protecting those involved and trying to be sensitive about it in a way but some who will read this know of our circumstance. Over the past few days I feel as if wounds have been reopened and worsened. I never thought I could feel more angry, sick and numb than I already was. As our current circumstance is (I pray) coming to a conclusion and the end is near to an extent hopefully with justice, I feel so helpless. I am truly trying to lean on the Lord and the Atonement but am finding no peace yet. I know time will heal me and my family but I cannot look past the deep aching feelings I am having. Maybe its because I only had 2 hours of sleep last night but I know that someday my children will look back upon this currently trial and I want them to know that I am trying so hard to place my faith in the Lord. I find myself almost feeling alone at times. Cory deals with things in his own composed way --- and I am emotional and angry and I voice it. It's hard for us both to try and cope with how the other is feeling and because I am not seeing his pain as he see's mine --- I feel divided. There is so much hurt in our hearts right now I cannot fathom anything worse except the death of a child. I read blogs a lot and follow some who have gone through such trials and wonder how they can be so strong. I am not feeling strong --- I am weak. I know the Lord is hearing my prayers and my cries and I know that He will carry me but only through my faith and patience will I receive this help. In conference in April a talk was given by Kent F. Richards. He talked on how the Atonement Covers ALL Pain. Through this process the past 3 months this has been fresh on my mind. I never had to think of the Atonement in any other way really than Repentance and Forgiveness. But now I am faced with the challenge of Healing through it. He said in his talk "the Savior is not a silent observer. He Himself knows personally and infinitely the pain we face; He suffereth the pains of all men, yea the pains of every living creature, both men, women, and children."
Henry B Eyring stated: " It will comfort us when we must wait in distress for the Savior's promised relief that He knows, from experience, how to heal and help us . . . And faith in that power will give us patience as we pray and work and wait for help. He could have known how to succor us simply by revelation, but He chose to learn by His own personal experience."

I am trying to show patience . . . and need to work harder but my pain is so overwhelming that I feel at times I am swallowed up in it. I know in the end I will be fine-- my children will be fine and hopefully the family will be fine. There are many rifts and feelings that I need to work on especially forgiving . . . . I just feel there is so much to try and get through that I cannot fathom this feeling going away--- but I know it will. The Lord will bear my burdens at some point but it will take me time, patience, and faith to receive that. Being in Washington has been hard for me through these trials. I need my family . . . I have never felt so much support from friends and my wonderful family before and I feel at this time their words of concern and prayers are the only thing carrying me through. I have the personality that I can do everything on my own--- endure things on my own and I don't need help. But I have never felt more in need of support. . . and am grateful for the pouring out of support that I have received from so many close people to me. Sometimes it helps me to have someone to cry with and hear the words that I will be ok and so will my family. Or even have them voice their anger with me. . . then I don't feel so alone. I don't want this to engulf me where I cannot move past it but I can only take a day at a time. I think people would disagree with my way of putting my feelings out here for people to read. . . but that is why I am a private blog. I trust those who read this. The loving words and compassion that I have received from those who follow our blog and follow me on facebook is overwhelming. . . . and I believe that this is my coping tactic. To be able to hear and see there is support for me if I choose to grasp it. This has truly helped me through it. So thank you to those who are so willing to reach out and show comfort and kind words to help even if you don't know our specific circumstance. It shows me how truly blessed I am to have people who care and how great people can be even if we haven't seen each other in years. We all have pain and suffering in our lives and I believe it takes the work of others and the Lord to help raise us and carry us through. I hope that someday I can show compassion and love for others who are struggling with a trial as so many has done for me.

First day of school 2011

September 13th was Araleigh's first day of her last year of Preschool. She was so excited to start with Teacher Barbara and Kimbo again. When I went to pick her up she was a little sad to find out that no one from her class last year was still in it. She said none of her friends were there. But I quickly reminded her that she will make lots more friends now and it will be just as fun. We also found out that she is now the Oldest in the class . . . and Teacher B let me know that she has special things for her to do this year since she is truly prepping her for Kindergarten. I just love seeing Araleigh thrive on going to school. She truly loves it. She is so eager to learn and is truly bright. I know next year when it comes to be saying goodbye to my partner for the last 5 years and hello to my Kindergartner it will be a very sad day for me. Over the summer Araleigh learned to tie her shoe by herself, ride her bike without training wheels --- which she LOVES to ride bikes.... its ALL the girl wants to do, and she is starting to catch onto sounding words out a bit. That is our task this year ---- begin reading. I am so grateful for this girl and having her in my life. I love her so much and will do anything for her. I hope that someday she can look back over these journal entry's and know how much I care for her. I never knew how deep a mothers love truly is until I had this little girl. She will never know how much I love her and truly want her to succeed and be happy . . . Araleigh: You are my Sunshine.

Soccer Time

Well, its soccer time around here and today was Araleigh's first games. She had two and she did amazing! The first game I was seriously shocked at how well her little team just bounced back after not playing for a while. She is with her exact same team again (except one new girl) and we are so glad we get to keep them together. It's so much fun. Araleigh's first game she did SO GOOD. She got 5 goals and they ended up beating the other team 15-5. The second game they ended up playing a team they played last year that are REALLY good. Weird for a bunch of 5 year olds but there is this little black girl on the team that is seriously-- amazing! Her coach just keeps her in the whole time basically to win. Which is actually sad to me for the other girls on the team but whatever. Anyways, Araleigh's defensive skills came out in this game. She ended up going head to head with this girl so many times and blocked at least 10 goals. I am really starting to see how coordinated she is. She listens to instructions very well and focuses on those instructions. I am so proud of her and her little team. I absolutely LOVE this stage of our lives right now. It's fun having to be to the games and seeing how much Araleigh just thrives on the team aspect of everything. Today after her first goal she made in the first game she ran up to me all sweaty and red and said "MOM, Did you see my goal I made? Well, that wasn't for me I made that for Canden!!" lol She dedicated all her goals that game. Its was pretty dang cute especially because she got so many. I realized thought that I have become the "mom in the stands that yells" I couldn't help it but yell and cheer and scream . . . . which is pretty funny. Cory tapped me on the hand once to tell me to calm down . . . . but I didn't care. lol Never thought that would be me but oddly it is!!! Can't even imagine when Canden is getting into sports. Anyways, it was a fun day -- though I melted and we all were just sweating from the heat . . . I am so proud of my little girl. Nothing brings me more joy then seeing my children enjoying themselves and feeling proud of their accomplishments.