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Birthdays. I have come to hate them, well mine anyways. I remember when I was younger always having a fear of no one caring it was my birthday. I know it started when I was younger .... but as i have become an adult ... I dread the day .... because of my knowledge of it being purely disappointing. I have never felt anything genuine about my birthday. I hate celebrating it .... because in my mind there is nothing to celebrate. I have felt so beaten down for years that I realize that its just fake .... everyone is obligated to recognize you and nothing feels genuine. For the past ..... I don't even know how many years I have spent my birthday ....somewhere alone and hurt. Cory is all about the party ... because parties and friends make everything better... for him. I love my friends ..... I don't love parties. I don't like being focused on in any way. Someday I hope to feel genuinely loved .... and wanted. But I never have. Maybe this is where my diagnosis of depression really comes into play. I am very hard on myself ..... to the point where I cannot think of anything good. Sunday, this was our lesson in Relief Society ... specifically. We were asked to name a good quality about ourselves. I was mortified ..... I was blank. The only thing I could think of was Loyal. Ask me what I am good at ..... I will say nothing. The only thing that I know I try really hard at ..... and feel I have succeeded in any way .... is trying to raise my children to be good people. When I see them and how they act or treat others ..... It's what I am proud of. I don't know what it is about November. But as soon as November 1 hits ..... my stomach is constantly in knots. I try to gear up for another year of a birthday spent crying in the bathroom .... or driving around alone while Cory watches his movies or whatever he does.

Old Journal Finds . .. .

I came across some journaling I did in random places ..... notebooks, documents, all random. . . .I don't want them to be lost ... so here they are.

10/17/2014

It's almost 3 am . .. and its one of those nights. Can't sleep. So I decide to look at old pictures on

FB. Note to self : pictures can be a trigger. Thanks anxiety for making things worse. Someday I

hope to be able to look at specific time periods of my life an enjoy the beauty in the actual

pictures instead of the situations that surrounded those times that resulted in much pain. I

know now that I can find comfort in the now and how incredibly blessed I am to have these

beautiful souls in my life. 

I am sitting here in my bed . . . with my sweet Canden sprawled out sleeping peacefully next

me. Knowing morning is near and I will be exhausted tomorrow. But all I keep thinking of is the

past week. Araleigh turned eight years old. I cannot believe it. Just yesterday I had my sweet full

black haired bundle of joy snuggling up to me in my arms. Now we almost wear the same shoe

size. Tonight I am reflecting on her delicate life. So many obstacles she has endured and

overcome. I only hope that I can continue to TRY and become a solid foundation for her to fall

back on when it is needed. She was baptized this past week. What a great experience. I do not know what her experience was that day only that she said she was so warm in the water. But I will tell mine. I was such a nervous wreck having to get up to do the spotlight for her. I almost caved. I

have such awful anxiety about being in front of people. But I did it and hopefully didn’t sound too terrible. When we went into the Relief society room and it was time . . . . as I stood at the side of the baptismal faunt waiting with a towel for her to come out. I watch as my husband baptized our daughter. As she went under the waters of baptism I felt the most overwhelming warmth surround me and it brought me to tears. Not only has my sweet baby girl been born again through baptism . . . she has been wiped clean of all sin. My heart is heavy tonight realizing that she not only is starting over . . . . but she is free of all wrongs done to her. I am comforted tonight of this as I have pondered this. The spirit is in her . . . and she will do great things.

Goodie Goodie

In my Patriarchal Blessing it stated that we would have Strong --Exceptional so Spirits come into our home. One's that were meant for this day. . . . and I know that my oldest Araleigh ... is exceptionally so.  Since she was little ... she has always been curious. How does this work ... why? When? How? She has always been so compelled with informational facts. To this day .... she does information writing and reports ... for FUN at school... because she finds it fascinating. She is also incredibly smart. Her brain works COMPLETELY different than mine. I have to ask her about Math ... her friends ask her about Math .... her teacher last year had to consult with her old Professor on what to challenge her with in Math as she was already bored and finished with all the 3rd grade curriculum.  I am so proud of her. There are a few things I need to make note of .... that someday she will reflect on. 
When she was about 6 months old ... I found her constantly straining her face ... and her hands. It was a consistent thing that became very worrisome for me as a new mom. As she grew a bit into toddler stages --- it increased and got much much worse. That is when the testing began. We went through many tests trying to figure it out. EEG (?) she had several .... watching for Seizures. Nothing came of that .... as we moved to Spokane and started with a new practice and Pediatrician .... her new doctor wanted her own tests done to make sure nothing was missed. After it all we pretty much gathered that she had a Chronic Motor Tic Disorder ... She had a special name for it ... but that is the jist of it.  This has been a changing habit for her.... it has taken different forms over the years .... but now is centralized in her hands and face. She gets embarrassed about it now that she is older ... because people constantly ask her about it ... and she doesn't know how to respond. She says people have told her it is "weird".This week has been a trying one for her. She has had friends at school embarrass her about it ... and her insecurity as a pre teen is just getting bigger. As I sought out friends of mine ... which are many parents to Araleigh's closest friends... I learned something that I already knew .... but had confirmed to me. We have a very special and amazing girl in our home. Yes, there are MINIMAL times when we have a HANGRY and moody pre-teen on our hands. But she is NEVER unkind in heart. I have honestly rarely ever felt anyone more Christlike than her. Of course she isn't perfect ..... but if I could obey the rules .. .... and see things Black or White ... man I would.  She NEVER breaks rules .... and it KILLS her when I force her to (like being late .... or turning in Homework on Monday not Friday) .... the SIMPLE things are a HUGE deal to her. I learned through this week that she sometimes gets called "Goodie Goodie" .... and to be honest. . . my heart jumped. It may be a act of negativity to those saying it... but if I can help her truly SEE that her innocent heart ... and pure ways of thinking is one of the most incredible gifts to have... I hope she will see it as a pure compliment and not a put down. I also learned that she also has impact on those around us. I am so fortunate to have incredible friends ... whom I cannot imagine life without anymore.  I found that a dear friend had already gone to bat for my girl .... trying to get to the bottom of it before we found out because of how much we are going through right now. Their daughters stuck up for mine .... and spoke up to their parents about someone hurting her feelings. I am so impressed by all of these girls who chose to do this. I learned a big lesson on this. . . and hope to learn something from it. I may not deserve to have such mercy and kindness happen to me sometimes ..... but to actually witness these girls and their parents stand up for my little girl ............. I am humbled. So for those of you who know me ..... know my beautiful daughter and her amazing soul that lives inside her ..... Thank you. Thank you for creating a Backbone for me ..... for being that support when I needed it. For her ... without even know how incredibly special she is ..... to have so many fighting for her .... and for her well being is much more than I could ever express. Someday, she will reflect on these writings ... and my purpose in this is to help her SEE that all the trials she has endured already ..... and will continue to suffer through as life happens..... that she has a HUGE family of support behind her. She has had many tears shed for her and for me on both our behalf. So many dear friends ... incredibly sensitive to her and our ongoing struggles . . . . She is an incredible girl. She is my Light in the Darkness . . . . and someday I pray and hope to have that inner glow that she carries naturally inside of her reflect inside of me.

Journal .... entries

I came across a letter I wrote with my Testimony in it the Year that one of the biggest trials in my life happened. As I was reading this letter through .... I thought I would share it. Many people who know me .... know I am a introvert. I also have an incredible fear of public humiliation. I RARELY have ever bore my testimony. I believe I have done it ONCE in my lifetime IN public IN a Sacrament Meeting. . . I was 24 years old.  That was the last time I did it. I get extreme anxiety and do not in ANY way like confrontation or spontaneity. I spent a lot of time the year Livee was born trying to piece together how to push forward and do the best I can. I easily learned after that --- and after her 100 % dependence on me came to a end ... that I was coasting ... slapping band aids on my inner turmoil and pushing through. I have learned many things the past 4 years. But in a moment of vulnerability and my heart seeking peace ..... I wrote my testimony. I then shared that with my family ... who were also struggling with our trial along with us. Some members of my family are not active in the church... but for me ... I just felt I needed to share what I had learned and felt through that new trial we were starting our journey through. There are a LOT of holes to be filled from when I stopped blogging completely... many amazing and many very hard experiences. I am hoping that as I come across journal entries or notes I wrote myself I can put them on here, for the sake they do not get lost. Someday, my children will need to see that the things that happened and the stuff we went through was all for them...I want them to KNOW we fought for them. We are still fighting. Fighting for our family. Fighting for My marriage. Fighting for My mental health. There is just one simple truth in all of this. Life is HARD. Life will NEVER BE EASY ..... but if I can be a good person .... and have Faith that the Lord will carry me ........ I will be ok. 

December 2012:

As this Christmas season has come so quickly I have had much time to

reflect and ponder on what this year has taught me and my family and how I can become better because of it. I feel as if it is something to share with you. As you know of the things that came to light throughout the summer I have to say that I have never been through such agony and hurt in my life. Though I have always had feelings that something was wrong it never really hits until things are out and real. I thought I was prepared for what was to come and found that I was not. This has been a very long road for me and my family and though we will endure and be okay the pain is still there and I am reminded daily of the things that happened. Though this is the hardest trial I have ever had to endure in my life I have to tell you I have never felt more love and support either. When I was at my lowest and felt completely and utterly alone I would receive a phone call from Dad or my sisters or a note from someone in the family or friend that had the inspiration to contact me to see how I was. At this time I truly believe that Heavenly Father was handing me small tender mercies to help me cope. I felt as if no one around me cared for what happened and frankly played it off as if it was not a big deal. And because of the family I have and the friends I have Iwas able to feel that this was wrong. So I thank you for being supportive of me and helping me to get through the most difficult trial I have ever had. I know that the Lord knows my pain as he does everyone.

I read in 3 Nephi 21-24

And when he had said these words, he wept, and the multitude bare record of it, and he took their little children, one by one, and

blessed them, and prayed unto the Father for them.

And when he had done this he wept again; And he spake unto the multitude, and said unto them: Behold your little ones. And as they looked to behold they cast their eyes towards heaven, and they saw the heavens open, and they saw angels descending out of heaven as it were in the midst of fire; and they came down and encircled

those little ones about, and they were encircled about with fire; and theangels did minister unto them. 

 

Heavenly Father and Jesus love His children. Jesus wept over and over as he prayed for the little ones. Children are the closest thing to Heaven and though we at times cannot protect them from every evil of the world-- we do our best to make sure they are loved and safe. I know that angels minister to children especially in times of need. Children can bounce back from a terrible situation because of this. I have seen it in my family. Throughout this whole process I have had to turn to the Gospel for guidance and hopefully at some point healing and forgiveness. As I have studied I realized something that I should have known all along.The Atonement is the only way to heal. For a long time I always associated the Atonement with only repentance and forgiveness of sins. But I have truly learned a new meaning of it in my life. Christ bled at Gethsemane not only for my sins but for my pain and suffering. He is the only one who knows all of our pain. I have found that as I lay at night and ask for my burdens to be lifted as I rest that they are and as I wake if I ask for the burdens to be lightened to get through the day---I seem to have a better day. Being all by ourselves up here at Christmas time has been such a hard thingfor me and my family. But I have had time to reflect on the true meaning Christmas. Christ Birth. What

a wonderful time of year to reflect on the blessings that have been given to us because of Him. The past year through the trials I have also experienced more blessings than I can count. I have truly found a firm testimony in Christ's

love for each of us. I have witnessed the miracles and tender mercies provided

to me by Him in the timing and placement of people who are in my life. This year would have been so much harder without those people and my family supporting us. I want you to know that I have a testimony of this Gospel in

which I am apart. I have felt the Lord’s arms around me in times of need as I have truly sought after His help. How blessed I am to know that a Savior was born so I could heal and be forgiven for my shortcomings. I am truly grateful for this gift. My testimony is something that I feel should be shared with my family . . . I do have a testimony of Christ. I have a testimony of administering angels who are sent to help us in time of need and I have a testimony of the promptings of the Spirit. I know that as I am trying to be the best I can and striving to be a better person that the Spirit will be with me and guide me.

We are all imperfect, we all have our trials but I know that the Lord loves

us and wants us to call on Him for help. I have seen healing begin in my family because of our faith that He can help us. I know that the Lord is looking out for my family and all who will let Him in. I don’t know if you have read Elder Uchdorft’s talk given on the Forget me nots. It is a wonderful talk

that truly touched me. He listed 5 forget me not’s.

1) Forget Not to be patient with yourself. -Don't compare yourself with others. 2) Forget Not the difference between a good sacrifice and a foolish sacrifice. Am I committing my time and energies to the things that matter most?

3) Forget Not to be HAPPY now! Your golden ticket is NOW!

4) Forget Not the "why" of the gospel- The gospel is joy when

we understand the why! It sanctifies our actions when we understand why we do things. 

5) Forget Not that the Lord loves you!-You are not forgotten! 

 

For me the most important Forget Not that he talked about was that God loves us and knows us. Although I know this, it is so much more reassuring to hear the words from a modern apostle who truly loves and cares for our welfare. My favorite quote from his entire talk was "Sisters, wherever you are, whatever the circumstances may be, you are not forgotten. No matter how dark

your days may seem, no matter how insignificant you may feel, no matter how overshadowed you think you may be, your Heavenly Father has not forgotten you. In fact, He loves you, with an infinite love." What a powerful man he is. We are truly blessed to have such amazing apostles be so in tune and know what we need to hear. I am so grateful for modern prophets to hear the words of our Heavenly Father. These talks are so inspiring and uplifting especially in times of need. We have such great leadership in the church and I know that they are truly inspired. I hope that through all of my faults and weaknesses that I can become a better person and example to my children and my family. I know that God lives and the Scriptures are true. I am grateful for the Plan of Salvation knowing that my family will be together for eternity. I hope that you can feel my love for the family and appreciation for everything. In the name of Jesus Christ, Amen. I hope that Christmas is wonderful and we are slightly missed.It’ll be a lonely day up here for us!

Love you, Nicole

 

 

2016 ..... years later!

I used to live for blogging. It was my official OUT and DE-stresser at the end of the day. It was my counselor when I was alone with 2 kids and my husband lived 9 hours away for months .... and when he was always traveling. Then 3 kids happened. And life stopped being my own in all reality.  . . and my journal stopped. But.... I am now constantly thinking of how I need to be writing again. It was therapeutic .... and personal... and I was able to put it in books to have for my kids forever. So ... my goal is to start. So here we go . . . . My Krazy Life .... back on blog.  I do warn .... I am very honest .... I am very vulnerable ..... I am very sensitive when it comes to my writing on my life and my experiences. I am going to keep this blog private and ask that those who I choose to be apart of my blog keep things to themselves and my private life .... for me. I am doing this for me .... and for my children. I have a lot of words in my head and a lot to say ---- but sometimes monitoring what I say for sake of face is hard. So I am keeping it real ...... this is me .... this is us ..... this is my un-perfect perfect life.

 
 

Roller Coaster

Wow, my poor baby is not going to have anything to read when she is older because of my lack of ambition to keep up on the blog. Poor thing. I will be going through pictures and trying to recall the last year almost. The past year has been the most trying time I have ever had to face. I have had to come face to face with many trials. I know that because of the things I have gone through the last year I have completely left blogging or in my case "journaling" in the dust. Poor Livee will not have much documented because of me and I feel horrible because of it. But here I am going to attempt a semi-catch up of her life and my other 2 childrens lives for the last 2 year. I don't know who will read this but because of my privacy I am comfortable to blog of some of the things I have endured. I know it will be therapeutic for me to write my thoughts out.

Almost 3 years ago our worlds were rocked -- pretty hard. I blogged about many of my feelings through those times and realized over the past year how the mind and body compensate to get you through. I find it interesting. Well, I was pregnant, very sick . . and completely immobile during the last 6 months of my pregnancy. And as all mothers know . . the first year of your babies life --- it's all about them. Especially with Livee being very underweight and not mobile til a year old. I had to completely concentrate on her well being. Getting her to the doctor . . . making sure her diet was right ... and taking her to physical therapy to help with her mobility. Also dealing with some therapy with Araleigh and her night terrors were happening frequently and also potty training my son. Well, my baby was 10 months when I stopped breastfeeding so Cory and I could take a trip to Hawaii. This is the point for me where everything changed. Maybe changed isn't the right word . . .because nothing really changed --- but I became aware. It was the real first trip I have ever taken since our honeymoon with only Cory. I suddenly had TIME and I become very much aware of how damaged our relationship was. I was grateful to have with us our closest friends with us to help alleviate the pressure. Don't get me wrong though . . . we had an amazing time and we laughed and acted like a bunch of teenagers again. And that was refreshing for me. But I knew something was wrong and didn't know how to face it. The next month, in January I was lucky enough to join my sisters and my wonderful mother for her birthday on a trip to North Carolina to see my Aunt Shelley. This is the absolute first trip I have every taken with my family like this. From the first flight something just lurked . . . and I don't know how to explain it. I just felt off. Well, if you know me at all ... I tend to take things very hard and internalize everything. When it comes to my family ... whether it be my children or my siblings. I hurt when they hurt. The whole trip I think that my sisters and I had come to grips with what was happening in our lives. I knew my one sister was suffering .... and it hurt to watch. I will say. . . that trip was a huge wake up call for me. We did a whole lot of nothing . . . sitting ... reading... relaxing .... which led to thinking and basically my reality coming and smacking me right in the face. I came home and everything changed. My baby was no longer dependent on me ... and all the sudden I was facing many things that had been buried and shoved to the side...never dealt with. I found a new love for reading . . . which I overcompensated with. (read over 100 books in a 6 month period).  I stopped sleeping. Stopped eating. Stopped being what my kids needed. I fell into a black hole and then I started having anxiety attacks. I have never in my life been one to willingly ask for help unless I was desperate. And I never let anyone know what was happening to me. In March I went home to Idaho with my SIL for a week with the kids. Just me and the kids. I spent the entire week --- basically a zombie . . . and not communicating with my husband at all. I had horrible feelings toward him and it was hard to be around his family. I had a lot of things hit me that week. I came home even worse than I was before. I probably slept a total of 12 hours that entire week. At this time I was still in physical therapy 2 times a week and I had to be there at 7 am. So I never got more than 2 or 3 hours of sleep and I never take naps. I was completely disconnected with Cory and completely exhausted. He couldn't get through to me and I was completely ready to be done. It was almost like everything that I had ever been through with him was right there ... freshly wounded. 13 years of trials and a reality of the magnitude of how things were handled through the worst trial of my life overwhelmed everything. I couldn't look at Araleigh without running to the bathroom and having a break down. My body started shutting down and the anxiety made me start habits that I am still trying to get rid of. I lost 25 lbs in under 3 months. And do not remember smiling .... ever. Cory got to the point of desperation in April and after a long night of a bad break down and me finally releasing feelings I was having .... he was helpless. Then  he did something for me at a time when I couldn't help myself...to which I will always be grateful for. After being up all night after I unloaded on him he called my best friend, Kristi who had just moved to Seattle and flew her in that morning. I had not talked to her or anyone about my battles and if ever I did it was her. The kids were at school and she called me. . I hadn't talked to her in a while and I tried to keep it together while I talked to her on the phone. Within 10 minutes my door rang and I opened it and she was there. I completely lost it. And for the next 3 days I didn't stop crying. Cory dropped her off from the airport went and picked the kids up from school while she packed them bags and he left and went to Seattle to stay with her husband and left us alone all weekend. I have never been through such an emotional 3 days in my life. But she at the time is what I needed. She was there for me through all the trials with Araleigh and my pregnancy and has become a sister and rock for me in the many ways. She let me cry and scream and hurt with no judgement. She cried with me. And in a time in my life where I was utterly lonely .... she made me feel like I wasn't. I will never be able to repay her for what she did for me that weekend. Taking her to the airport that Sunday after sleeping for 4 hours total in 3 days was so hard. I felt like she was my glue keeping me together for a while because I couldn't do it. And when she moved ... it broke my heart ... but her coming back sealed a bond for me I will never be able to repay her for. After that weekend I think Cory thought it was all better .... but it just continued to get worse. He was just as withdrawn as I was but in a different way. In July he called a therapist and we started marriage counseling. It has been a roller coaster. It has been hard. It is expensive. I hate it. But it has been rewarding. We not only are trying to figure out what our trials have meant .. but we are dealing with individual problems that have never been addressed. He has no emotion .... and will not deal with any. And I keep everything in and never let go. So it has been a work in progress. After 2 years  we are still going. It took us a long time to deal and get through our trial from 3 years ago .... which still lingers but we have found that there are deeper issues we have to address. I have done everything I can to try and stay away from getting on medications ..... and I have always been anti --- not for other people but for myself. I hate taking any medications. I am terrible at it. I have never been one to be able to take pills--- because I constantly forget to take doses and hate being dependent on things. My biggest fear is to become dependent on medication (whether emotionally or for back pain) and then forget to take it --- or run out or something happens and I can't get to it and then I can't handle it. So I have never liked taking pills. I have gotten to the point in my emotional roller coaster ride that I now am trying that route. I have never been so out of control with anxiety and inner turmoil than these past few years . . . and I can finally say I am slowly traveling on a road to recovery. Life seems to be more complicated than ever and I am just hoping that the triggers that have become so frequent will soon become less frequent and I can start working on being the best person I can be and focusing on being healthy and happy.

North Carolina

For Christmas my sister, Sharee, got her and my mom tickets to fly to North Carolina to see my Aunt Shelley. Well, Christmas came and I found out that my other sister got a ticket for Christmas . . . so of course I was all not wanting to be left out. Thankfully I have wonderful friends here that helped out with the kids while I was gone! AND . . . they were alive when I got home from being with Cory for a week! We all connected in SLC for our flights and off we went. It was a really relaxing week actually. We did A LOT of reading and a lot of laughing! I hope my mom had a good time as well. We went and visited with our cousins while there and met their families and had a girls day and went to the Biltmore House that was about 3 hours away. It was so great! I remembered so much of it when I was 10 but it had a whole different meaning seeing it as an adult. Loved seeing the original things in the house and hearing of how life was in the early 1900's for the wealthy. We also did a lot of shopping . . . that was fun!! I bought my first Coach first as a major splurge and maxed out my budget right away but had so much fun doing it! I hope in the future we can have more trips like that and spend more time trying to build up our relationships as a family.

Livee is 1!

Miss Livee Maurine is One!

My Livee has officially turned 1 and I cannot believe how fast that went. We had a party for her while we were in Idaho and then we had a small one on her birthday on the 16th of Jan. I will have to say that this past year has been a bit of a challenge and my little munchkin has been a trooper. I am so blessed that she came to us. She has brought such a light to our family. The kids adore her and she is always so happy. I will say though . . . she is a stubborn little thing. If she wants it . . you know about it. If she doesn't . . . you know about it. She has been a late bloomer in her physical aspects of development. She never really rolled over til 11 months. I mean she did it once in a while but I think it was more of an accident. She didn't start crawling until 11 months. While we were in Hawaii first of Dec. is when she started to crawl. She is now standing up and walking slowly around furniture and will let go once in a while. But she is just taking her time learning how to do things, which is fine by me. She JUST started drinking consistently from a sippy cup last week. Which has been hard. She is finally wanting to drink where she has literally been on a liquid strike for the past 3 months. I stopped nursing her the first of November to get ready for our trip and she would not drink a thing after that. I started supplement her with formula and cereal and lots of applesauce to keep her hydrated. It has been hard but we made it through it. 

Here are Livee's facts at age 1:

*Weighs 18 lbs 7 oz (10%) Height 27 inches (10%)

*Livee LOVES her silk blankets. Just like Araleigh . . . we cannot go ANYWHERE without them.

*She LOVES fruit loops, cheerios, string cheese and pasta.

*She can say a few words: MOM (main word in her vocab), dada (not often though), A-aw-ee (araleigh), Num Nums (food), nigh nigh (night)

*She is obsessed with my cell phone. She throws tantrums when she gets it and I take it from her.

*She looks JUST like my Grandma Roberta. I get daily doses of reminders of Grandma because of this and I love the sweet reminders. Guess she was named after her for a reason. 

*She HATES socks/shoes. As soon as I get them on . . . they are just as fast off. 

*She is in size 3 diapers and has her daddy's bum 

*She looks NOTHING like my other kids to me. 

*She has 3 teeth all on the bottom.

*I love her bright blue eyes!

*We literally get stopped everywhere we go with people gooing after her because she is constantly smiling and trying to talk to people.

*She really loves feeding people . . . or "sharing" her food. She is always trying to get us to have a bite of whatever she thinks is amazing!

*She doesn't like her car seat . . . poor thing doesn't weigh enough to be in a front facing one just yet. 

*She (as do the rest of them) LOVES her daddy. When he comes home, she lights up and when he turns and walks out of the room . . . she SCREAMS until he comes back. 

*She is a NIGHTMARE to try and change her diaper. In nearly takes 2 to do it . . . or a dab of lotion on her hand that she eats to keep her occupied.

*She LOVES bath time. She will just crawl into the bathroom and stand at the tub if the door is open.

*She has EXTREMELY tiny feet. She is still in size 1-2 (6 months). Her little feet aren't quite up with the rest of her body. 

*She is really into scratching . . . she thinks it's funny when I scream "OUCH" . . then she will do it again. Not funny.

*She is already a jewelry girl . . .she must get this from her Grandma A. Sometimes to change her bum I will hand her one of Araleigh's play rings and she will just sit there and put it on . . look at it then put it on a different finger. Today in the grocery store I had a bracelet that she just kept putting on her arm and that kept her busy for a bit. 

  

 

Christmas Time!

Well, Christmas this year was suppose to be spent in Idaho. But after all the crap we bought and how big our Christmas was this year (not on purpose) we decided it would be easier to stay home than the try and get it all there and back again.We have not been to Sugar for Christmas in 3 years now. I cannot believe it. So since we chose to stay home . . . as usual the Arnold's came up our way. Things weren't as convenient as last time with the house next door being open . . but we made it work! Lacey and her family came up as did Bryce and Cory's parents. It was enjoyable to at least spend it with family. It's hard not having family around on holiday. The kids were EXTRA good this year. They got a little bit too spoiled. And I got a little spoiled this year. I really wasn't expecting anything big because we JUST got back from Hawaii . . but Cory got me brand new washer and dryer. (Which I did need actually) I LOVE THEM. He got me some gift cards and clothes as well. So I was very spoiled as well! Its funny I absolutely HATE doing laundry . . but since I got my awesome new ones . . I just watch it. It amazes me how such little water can clean clothes. lol The day after Christmas I decided to leave and head to Idaho. Kind of a sudden thing I just didn't want to waste another week of Araleigh being out of school. We had a great time. We spent the week with my family and went up to Island Park to a cabin. The kids went sledding and snowmachining. They had so much fun. Then we did a mini party for Livee on Monday night along with the New Years Eve party. It was great. Most the kids were starting to pass out by 12 but it was fun.